Episode 156: Fall in love with your flawsSep 02, 2021
Click HERE for the full episode.
Have you ever asked your inner circle what areas you could improve in? What flaws do you have? What they don’t like about you?
These are kind of weird questions to ask right? I can tell you when you ask them you can learn some fascinating things about yourself. But, why would you ask these questions?
A few months back I bought the book, ‘The Dark Side of the Light Chasers,’ by Debbie Ford after it was on the recommended books list in another book I was finishing.
It sat on my bookshelf for a couple months, when my boyfriend said he had started listening to it on audiobook and found it really fascinating. I knew it sounded familiar so I headed over to the book shelf to see if I could find it….and there it was!
Divine timing, I was meant to read this book now. It has been opening my eyes to parts of me that I have hid away for years. Parts of me that I was ashamed of. Parts of me that were present when I was in survival mode and just getting by. Parts of me that have served me very well at times in my life, but I have labeled as flawed and shut off from me and the rest of the world.
The problem with this is when we do that, when we avoid turning our backs on parts of our personalities they tend to show up in our lives even more! Think about one trait you do not like about yourself, then ask yourself how often you see that trait in others around you? Think about how often it rears its ugly head in you?
My point of this conversation today is that we spend so much time thinking about what we can improve on, what we like about ourselves and all of this is great, but we have these shunned traits following us around and waiting to jump up at the worst time and remind us they are still there.
Think of it this way, what does a child do when they want attention and are not getting it? Often times they act up. If a Child's needs are not being met at home, they often act up in school. What they seek is attention and they have learned that the only way to get that attention is to act out…..so that is exactly what they do.
Let’s think about our emotions and personality traits the same way. For instance I have this hurry up mentality that creeps up. It is something I am aware of, and I have tried to eliminate……but maybe that is the wrong way to go about it. I have this habit where I try to beat the clock….even when there is no clock to beat. I have talked about it on the podcast before.
But, I am learning to look at this differently. How has beating the clock, being in a hurry, or efficiently helped me in life? I can think of quite a few times but I would say one of the biggest has been in my work. I have always been very timely and productive at my jobs and business. It has earned me awards at my past jobs and helps me to run a successful business from home.
When I think about it, I am actually really grateful for this trait! However, I have to embrace how it has hindered me as well. It can negatively affect my relationships, my stress level, my ability to empathize with others.
But if I focus all on the bad and shun this personality trait, I am telling myself that this one part of me is flawed. It is not good enough, it needs to be eliminated. But let's shift that, I am going to be grateful for this trait, love it for supporting me and take back the ability to utilize this trait when desired and let it take the bench when not needed. But that all comes from acknowledging it and loving it. Not shunning it and trying to leave it behind.
It was fascinating to me when the book asked me to reach out to some friends and family and ask them their favorite three things about me and their least favorite 3 things about me. What was most fascinating is how unsure of the negatives each and every one of them were. How much they apologized or worried before expressing my flaws.
It made me think about how we take things so personally in this society. We internalize those things shared with us, especially the ones we may not like hearing. We often get defensive and put up walls, however, I was so grateful to hear these words of support and guidance from my friends. I don’t know that I would have always been able to receive them so gracefully as I did not……but that goes back to the divine timing of me picking up this book. Things come into our lives when we are ready for them :)
My friends didn’t tell me anything I didn’t know about myself, but what I heard through it all was, ‘you are not perfect, but I love you wholeheartedly anyways.’
After years of believing love was always conditional, I have surrounded myself with incredible people who love me unconditionally…….and that was the biggest lesson I learned from this activity.
- stop taking things so personally
- Embrace our strengths and flaws
- Love unconditionally
I also was reminded that others' opinions of us are simply a reflection of their reality! One of my friends said an area of weakness is that I often talk very fast, she then went on to say that there is a part of her that is jealous that she tends to talk slower and more wordy than me. Funny is that is something I love about her!
We have to start remembering that every strength is a weakness and every weakness is a strength. We just have to take enough steps back from it to see it that way. We are absolutely perfect, evolving, beings that deserve to be loved and as I say often that all starts with us. If we do not love ourselves unconditionally, how can we expect others to?
So grab your Rose, Geranium and/or Bergamot essential oils, take a few deep breaths and remind yourself that you are in love, you're perfect, you are exactly where you are supposed to be!
Then grab your forgive essential oil and place a drop in the diffuser and over your heart and forgive yourself for being so hard on yourself. For beating yourself off and shunning those parts of you for so long. And if this conversation excited you, maybe go pick up the Dark Side of the Light Chasers by Debbie Ford.
‘The purpose of this journey is to restore ourselves to wholeness.’ Debbie Ford
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